Chapter 19 - The visit

When the king finished reading the letter, he ordered my servant to help pack my luggage. "You go with me!" the king commanded, looking directly at me. He wanted to know what was wrong with Phillip's health, and he would use it to introduce me to my future residence. A whirlwind of doubt passed through my body.- But would it be prudent for me to go?

- This is an order from your father and a request from your fiancé. Just obey. Go get ready, because the carriage must be on its way.

The king called his prime minister to warn him of his short but urgent trip, and the king informed him that he would take care of the kingdom's affairs so that it seemed that the king had not traveled.

The next day I woke up early, and my father didn't sleep all night. We left shortly after the coffee, and the carriage was waiting for us. The trip was exhausting, so we stopped to eat and sleep. We reached a small village one night. There were rooms reserved for us by the prince. The king finally slept a little. I spent the night awake with my thoughts.

We continue our journey at dawn. During the trip, I slept a little inside the wagon. I was exhausted. After three nights without sleep, I was awakened by my father as we approached the castle.

- Look at what a beautiful forest! - He spoke by taking off the curtain and looking out the little window of the wagon.

It was night when I heard the gates of the castle open. The imposing towers, which, for my father, were unnecessary when one fears a good army and an excellent royal guard. My stomach hurt when I got off the wagon.

Philip's servant welcomed us and kindly asked about how our trip was as he guided us inside and directly to our rooms, where we could rest before dinner. The room where I stayed had a delicate, almost angelical decoration.

It was pleasant, unlike the rest of the castle, which had a darker aura and a more masculine decoration. The sheets were of clear silk; it seemed that this room had never sheltered anyone. 

Beautiful, delicate, perfect for me. I discovered that my bedroom was also the closest to the prince's. And as soon as possible, I'd find out what was wrong with my fiancé.

After a relaxing bath in a beautiful white bathtub with golden feet, I could lie on the soft bed decorated with beautiful, sweet, thin, floating fabrics protecting my sleep. I went to bed and quickly fell asleep. That room brought me a sense of security and tranquility. After a long time, I was awakened by the knocks at the door of the prince's servant calling us for dinner.

I got up refreshed, and my father was already waiting for me in the big dining room. The decoration here was the same as the rest of the castle, slightly frightening, with leather, dark wood, and stone walls. It was a cold hall, despite the fireplace and the huge torches that illuminated it.

After dinner, we returned to our rooms. The room was perfect, but the concern for Phillip prevented me from falling asleep. I needed to know about him. What sickness would have caused him? I decided to get up because I'd been thinking about him for a long time. I walked slowly, I went out the door without making a noise, and I bowed my ear to the door of his bedroom. I could only hear a loud noise of suffocating breath.

I held the pillow gently and turned it slowly. I opened the door with the same caution, slowly so as not to wake him up. I entered a dark room with little light coming from a fireplace. But I managed to see him lying in his huge bed covered with curtains of dark, heavy velvety fabric, the heavy curtains closed. There was a bowl of boiling water next to his bed, which left the climate moist, a moisture with a slight aroma of lavender and lemon.

I decided to continue walking slowly to the edge of the bed, only to smell it. I could feel my heart almost jumping out of my chest. He seemed to sleep deeply. He was breathing badly. I didn't resist, and I touched his face. He opened his eyes nervously, his hand held my wrist, and with his rough voice, he said:

- What are you doing here? I don't want you to see me like that!
- Excuse me, Your Highness, but I needed to see you. I can't sleep knowing you're sick.
- I don't want you here! - He ordered...
- Tell me, what's wrong with Your Highness? And I'm leaving.
- I don't want to say, get out of here now!
- I challenged him, releasing my hand from his and standing
- You don't obey me, at least respect my illness and get out of here!
- I'm going out! You know my feelings. But as soon as the sun rises, I'll ask my father to go home, and you won't see me again.
- What are you talking about? You're mine, princess. You can't escape this!
- No, but I can give you the worst marriage ever. I can give you what you're giving me now... my indifference for you to suffer for eternity.
What do you think?
"If he does that, I will kill everyone in his kingdom, drinking to the last drop of everyone's blood, even his father."
- Your Highness is a bad creature! How can my father think of marrying someone like that? Does the prince not realize that I just want to help him? Looks like you really want the marriage postponed! Enough! I'll leave you alone, I won't listen to you anymore.
I turned and followed towards the door. I stopped as soon as I felt him holding me by the waist. He quickly got up and reached me. A chill crossed my body. I was afraid he would hurt me out of anger. But I could hear his voice in my ear:
- I don't want you to go, but I don't want you to see me like this.
- Why don't you tell me what you have?
- I don't want to talk.
- Then let me go home. I hope you get better. But I can't stand seeing him so vulnerable without being able to help him.
He turned his eyes to mine and said,
- I can't let her go. I finally feel like you have feelings for me, and I can't let you go. I want you close. I just don't want you to see me like that.
- I can't help you, I don't know what you've got, you're not telling me, and it's starting to hurt to see you like that. I thought it would be better if I saw you, but I didn't.
He looked around as if he was thinking a lot. You didn't let me out of your arms. He took my wrist and asked me to sit on the tip of the bed. He lay down, put my hand on his chest, covered himself, and tried to breathe deeply, looking directly into my eyes:
- I made a mistake. I took bad blood. Vampires call it broken blood.
- I asked nervously.
- We need to suck the blood until the creature's heart stops beating and not drop more. I've always heard about it, but I never knew what could happen. I don't know how long I'll be like this. I have a fever and a lot of weakness; I don't know if I'll survive. I'm looking for Claus Deidrich, the vampire who turned me into that creature. I know he lives in Paris, but my servants didn't locate him. He must know how I can improve, but I need you to find him. I think he doesn't want me to find him. He wanted me to be his son; he must want to see me dead because I ran away from him.
I got up, but Phillip held my wrist:
- Stay with me tonight.
"I need to go," I replied, confused but knowing exactly where I needed to go.
I beg you, I may not have one more night to spend with my princess.
- You're weak, rest. I'll be back.
- Then go...
- I know exactly what I have to do!
- What are you going to do?
I left the room knowing exactly what I needed to do and where I needed to go.

Chapter 18 - The letter

I could see him go out through the castle's main gate, following up to his carriage that was already waiting for him outside the Castle. I had a lot of time to think about everything that happened during the time I didn't see him. I didn't sleep right anymore and only fed myself when thanked by my father or my servant. It was the worst pain I'd ever felt, those misses.

The days were all the same. Everything seemed to repeat itself. I ended up running out one afternoon to go to the cabin to see if Phillip was found, but he wasn't there. He sent me letters every day, but I didn't open them. I didn't want to know anything, and I did not answer any of them. He seemed to know that I didn't read the letters because he also sent letters to the King.
My father seemed excited to tell me about each of them. I didn't listen.

It was five days before the wedding when I received a different letter. A servant of the prince, he had become ill. The lyrics weren't his. The letter said that there was a possibility of postponing the marriage if he did not recover.

I was frightened by the idea of a postponement. One question doesn't come to my mind: How could a vampire, an immortal being, get sick? I asked the King for permission to visit him; it was reasonable, for he was my fiancé.

My father said he should go see Phillip's state, not me. I agreed with the King, but I asked him to give me news. Before going, however, the King cordially preferred to send a letter to the prince asking permission to go see him. My father asked if there was any problem with his taking the princess with him.

I spent the night thinking. I couldn't rest to imagine what sickness would have fallen on Phillip. Two days later, the letter finally arrived, to my surprise, in Phillip's letter:

"Dear friend,

I am really sorry for my condition and sorry for not being able to receive it. It's a pity because I'd love to see my beautiful fiancée again. However, I invite you to come anyway, even without being able to see you personally, but at least know my castle.

If possible, bring my lovely bride, knowing that she will be close to me, so that she can at least lessen my loneliness a little.

My royal servant will welcome you and accommodate you.

Tomorrow I'll send a carriage to look for them and make them spend at least one night in my castle.

Philip III"

Chapter 17 - Our first goodbye

Although I was eager to be in the presence of the prince, knowing that he was a prisoner in my room, I took the opportunity to take a tour of the gardens after lunch. I needed the air and a little time with my thoughts. I would never be able to answer his questions. Every time I kissed him, he was asleep. And I did it on purpose.

A light quickly lit my thoughts. I was completely in love with him. I had no idea what to say to him. I didn't dare to declare myself. But the nightmares and everything else about who or what he was scared me. How I'd be able to overcome everything.

I felt a cold breeze and, afraid of getting sick again, I entered the castle. The wedding would be in a week, and now I didn't want to postpone it. I climbed the stairs in silence. I entered my room and saw him again asleep in the chair.

I took off my shoes so they didn't make any noise. I walked quietly into the bathroom. I took a long, hot bath and put on a more comfortable dress. I left the bathroom without making any noise and walked to my bed, lying down and pulling the blankets to cover myself.

I was exhausted. I fell asleep. Again, the bloody dreams took over my sleep. I felt two hands lifting me up, putting me seated, at the same time that a wolf jumped towards me in the nightmare.

I heard Phillip's gentle voice speaking to me.

This time, I took a while to open my eyes.

- Yeah. Always bloody, always scary.

- Can we resume our conversation when you're back? I didn't see her come in, so I did not see her swapping.
"Your Highness was asleep. I didn't want to wake him," I replied, trying to escape the questions that I already knew he would ask again.
- Do you know if it's already dark? I lost the notion of time. He said that he kept holding me, circling his arms with his hands on my back.

I made a move to get up and walk to the window, and he let me go. When I opened a small reed through the curtain, I could see that the sun was already setting.

- There's not much left, Your Highness! The sun is setting. He perceived my sadness and walked to me, next to the chair where he used to rest.

- Are you sad? My princess, answer at least one of my questions.

I answered when he reached me and held my wrists. I will answer a question. I spoke firmly, without looking into his eyes.

"Are you sad for the same reason you woke me up with a kiss, or for the very reason you cried when I was hit by the sun?" he asked, pulling me near him. Putting my hands on your chest.

"Yes, yes," replied I, almost without sunshine, my heart beating by his proximity.

"Is my princess falling in love with the monster?" he spoke with a malicious smile on his lips.

- I'm still trying to get the air.

"I didn't understand," he spoke confusedly, passing his hands through my waist and approaching his body. "Your heart is shouting something else, my princess." He spoke, highlighting how loud my heart seemed at that moment.

I swallowed it dry and I said, "I'm not falling in love with you because this has happened a long time ago...

- I don't understand.

- I've been in love with you for a long time! Maybe the fear is bigger because of that. By knowing that I am completely vulnerable to you! I spoke, losing myself from your grip and walking towards the curtain.

When I realized it was already dark, I opened the curtain.

Your Highness already has your answers, and you don't need to be stuck here anymore.

- I'm late! I have to go! See you soon, my princess. At the ceremony!

Chapter 16 - The wedding dress day

I was completely overwhelmed by the question and whispered:

- Because... because... I was afraid... I kissed you... Because when I met you, I had this desire to kiss you, and I didn't know if you would respond.
I turned to the door and ran out, closing it behind me.
I went down to the kitchen, where I picked up an apple. The only thing my stomach was accepting well was. I found Ane, who quickly dragged me to the teapot where the seamstress was already waiting for me.
Thoughts about recent events populated my mind: "Would he try to come after me? What would he be thinking of me after what happened?"
The dress was beautiful. Delicate, with all the reins and all the brilliance that the royalty deserved. But my mind remained in the prince's suit inside my room.
After endless hours, my father arrived right at the end of the adjustments and stood near the door watching with admiration, me and the dress.
- My daughter! - he said with a tender smile on his lips. - You're beautiful! Prince Phillip is still with us?
- I think so, Dad! I spent the last few days resting as you asked.
- Change clothes, let's have lunch. I'm gonna ask a servant to invite the prince to join us.
A scratch ran through my spine. "What if the servant finds out that the prince is in my room?"
Soon after I had said goodbye to the seamstresses, I ran up the stairs and came to my room as fast as I could, finding the prince asleep in the chair in front of the window.
I tried to wake him up, but he seemed to be asleep. I kissed him on the lips. He opened his eyes.
He spoke with a smile on his lips, but this time I couldn't escape in time; he held me by passing one hand through my neck and the other by holding my wrist. I want my answers. I gave him yours.
My heart stopped, and the closeness to it made the air escape from my lungs. He seemed to be enjoying the moment.
- I can hear your heart beating, princess! Are you scared? Do you think I'm gonna hurt you?
I answered, trying to regain control of my breath. He asked if you were still around the castle and wanted you to join us for lunch.
"I will let you bring the message to the king, but our conversation is not over. Tell him that I am a little tired, so I will not join you."
I went out the door and went back to the dining room. I informed the King of the Prince's situation, and we sat down for lunch. Finally, after bad days, I was able to eat. At the end of the meal, the king went to his office and sent me back to my room, so that I could rest...

Chapter 15 - The sun and shock

- I'm still afraid of you... but I'm exhausted... I think I'll have more nightmares... especially knowing that you were watching me all this time... - I spoke in a hoarse voice, trying to breathe. 

- I gave you your answers. Now, I want mine. Why wouldn't you have the courage to hit me? - he said, as we heard the doorknob turn. I asked him to stay where he was when my servant got into the room. 

It was dawn. We didn't notice. Ane brought me breakfast, but I knew I wouldn't be able to eat. I hadn't slept. I was exhausted. She saw Phillip sitting in the armchair by the window, and he told her he was looking after me. She discreetly left, after leaving the tray on a small table and closing the door behind her. 

- I can wait for your answer. - he said persistently, pointing to the tray. - Your Highness has to eat. 

- You can't leave here now, it's dawn. - I said, pointing to the heavy curtains on my window. I fell asleep after speaking. Today would be the day the dressmakers came to try on the wedding dress. 

Phillip woke me up by stroking my face. - At least this time, there was no screaming. Your sleep seemed better. There was still a murmur... - he spoke calmly, looking into my eyes, but I interrupted him. 

- But I had nightmares! How long did I sleep? - I said, uncovering myself and getting up, on my way to the bathroom. 

- You slept just over four hours, princess. What's the hurry? You still have to rest. - he said, sitting on the side of the bed and following me with his eyes. 

- Today is the first fitting for my wedding dress. - I said from the bathroom, fixing my hair and washing my face. - This is very important to me. 

- He stood up and walked towards the door - I'll leave you to it. 

I ran before he turned the handle to leave and grabbed his hand, putting myself between the door and him. 

- Prince, don't leave this room! All the windows in the castle open at 8 a.m., but I don't want to think about what would happen if a ray of sunshine hit you. - I said, catching my breath. 

He stroked my cheek and gently tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, speaking in the softest voice I'd ever heard from him: - Is the princess worried about her fiancé's life? - I could see a slight smile at the corner of his beautiful lips. 

- Maybe, - I said, trying to flee the room but failing miserably. - Princess, let me see, he turned the handle and pushed me; he was stronger. 

- No - I shouted at the exact moment when a slight crack in the door revealed the light outside my room. 

Phillip closed the door and fell, hitting his back on the floor as if he had been hit, completely unconscious. Startled, I knelt down and held his head in my hands. I tried to pull him away from the door. I didn't know what to do. 

- Wake up! - I ordered him as a tear fell from my eye -... you're not that fragile, don't die! I watched him for a while. More tears blurred my vision. I kissed his cold lips. He opened his eyes and said, wiping away my tears: 

- What happened? 

- You fainted. There's sunlight outside, and there's a huge window at the end of the corridor that lights it all up. You have to stay here. I have to leave the room, but you won't be able to leave until after dark. 

- Why did you kiss me? - he asked, looking directly into my eyes as he sat down.

Chapter 14 - The Past

 Philip carried me to my bed. He took off my shoes and covered me up, his face still stuck on the question: 

- Why wouldn't His Highness have the courage to hit me? 

- I'm exhausted, I don't feel well. Let me sleep. I will answer you and you answer my questions... 

- The princess is too tired to hear about my life; better rest. I'll still be here when you wake up.

 - There's something I'd like to know: what does the blood taste like? Is it good? Do you want to try mine? 

- You're being mean. Stop it! - he replied, turning to leave 

- Who did this to you? Who turned you into this monster? 

I could see a tear running down his cheek, and he lowered his head and returned to the side of my bed, kneeling down next to where I was lying, his face close to mine: 

- A week after she was born, 17 years ago, my mother fell ill and died. My father blamed me and my brother. It was painful, so I gathered some of my father's servants, took them to the forest, and asked them to build the hut. The one you can see. A year passed, and my father began to miss me because I spent more time in the hut and the forest than in the castle. From there, I could get close to his castle. I met you and watched you grow up. It was as if his eyes liked me too. Disgusted by my absence, my father, bitter with his pain, sent me to study in Paris, France, an ocean away. I began to miss you. 

- There's no need to go on. - I said nervously 

- I received a letter with the news that my brother had died. He had fallen from the main tower of the castle. He couldn't bear my father's suffering and my mother's absence. And I was too distant. I started going out drinking. Trying to escape the demons of the past. One of those nights, I was followed by a strange figure, but I didn't notice it right away. I felt the creature approaching, but I ran too far. I ended up standing in an alleyway face-to-face with the creature. He was scary and strong. He spoke in a hard voice: "You're suffering, I can see it in your eyes. Let me take this suffering away from you. Do you want to? "I was weak and drunk, I didn't know what to do, and I accepted. Then I felt the creature's teeth on my neck. Drunk and weak, I was almost out of blood because it had been sucked out by the creature. I felt death in my body when he took out a small dagger from his pocket and cut his own wrist. And he gave me his blood to drink. 

- That's enough! - I said, covering my face. 

- I need to get to the end, just listen. - he said, removing the blanket from my tear-streaked face. 

- When I woke up, I was inside a coffin in a crypt, and the strange creature was sitting next to the coffin. I asked him what had happened. As soon as he finished explaining, I ran for cover. My father started sending me a lot of correspondence asking me to come back, but I didn't have the courage. I spent two months hiding, then I decided to come back. My father thought it was strange, but he thought it was a consequence of the loss we'd been through. 

- Why didn't you kill yourself? Like your brother," I said, almost sobbing, unable to hold back the tears that were streaming from my eyes. - I went back to my cabin. From there, I was closer to watching you every night. I didn't kill myself for you. At night, outside your window, I watched you. You were growing up. Beautiful. You were going to be mine. My father fell ill and, on his deathbed, I told him what had happened to me in Paris, and he forgave me.

Chapter 13 - The Truth

I tried to eat following the king's orders. I couldn't get out of the castle any further, but there was a lot I still needed to know about my fiancé. I went to the window to see that your horse was still in the bay. "He's here!" - my heart accelerated, and I called Ana. I wanted to change before I walked out the door of my room. I couldn't meet anyone in a shirt!

My aunt helped me with the dress and combed my hair. I noticed that I had lost weight. But I didn't feel the fever anymore, nor the strong tiredness I used to feel. As soon as I finished dressing up, I asked her:

- Where's the king?" Ana knew she wasn't the one I really wanted to meet, so she replied:

- He was in the office talking to the prince, but he ordered them to prepare his chariot to go to one of his advisers. The Prince has been in the library reading since then.

She actually knew I wanted to know about the prince. I went out the door of my room and hurried to my pass. Before entering the library, I told Ana that I would not want my conversation with my fiancé to be interrupted and that she would warn no one to enter there. I finished speaking by opening the doors and entering the huge room surrounded by huge shelves with books from floor to ceiling, and I could see Philip standing by the door.

"Is Your Highness feeling better?" His soft voice seemed to recognize me by the steps. I took a deep breath to answer, "Yes, I really need to know how long you've been here?" I spoke as I walked to one of the shelves near where he was sitting.

"Since the night I brought you out of the woods. I told you I'd stay until I'm sure you're okay and safe. I kept my word," he spoke, rising and walking toward me. "But I can see that she is not fully recovered." He realized I wasn't well yet.

"I'm fine," I said, trying to hide a little nonsense. "Without the answers to the questions I have already asked and repeated to you, it will be difficult for me to recover. I don't think it was an infection, but I can't tell the king that I slept badly and not rightly because I cannot take the scary images of the last days of my mind." - I moved away a little.

"So that's why you were talking, crying, and even yelling in your sleep?" he said, stopping. "You don't have to run away from me; I'll answer all your questions." He spoke back to the chair where he was sitting and pointed to the next chair so I could sit down.

"Since our engagement, I've dreamed of horses eating rats and a lot of blood. After that, I con with you, in its most frightening form, devouring the wolves..."- my heart accelerated and I couldn't breathe.

Philip jumped from his chair towards me and kneeled at my feet, holding my hands, his voice a little more exalted: "Calm down! Take a deep breath. I'll explain everything to you!" How could he know I was about to have a panic attack? Gradually, his cold touch applauded me.

- Starting with the horses in my carriage, I transformed them to have more endurance on long trips. I told you that my kingdom is far away. It's more than 10 days of travel, but they do it in 5 days.

It seemed like torture to hear these frightening truths, but it could be more terrible: "Do you also eat rat blood? Or of wolves?"- my stomach wrapped up with the image formed in my mind immediately, I got up, seeking to take a little distance, afraid of the answer...

"Yes, I don't eat human blood, but I eat blood from other animals. To avoid hunger, it can make me a dangerous being." "When I heard the answer, because of her horror, I ran out of the library and continued running down the stairs, only stopping after crossing the gardens and reaching the castle gate.

I was suddenly struck by an idiot, I couldn't breathe, and I almost fell, but I felt strong arms holding me before I reached the ground. "I didn't want you to know every scary detail about me, but you insist on asking. You're still weak. Do you want me to take him back to the castle, or do you like me to leave?" I heard his voice in a milder tone.

- I don't know. I can't believe what you just told me. Anyway, I can't believe I can walk back by myself.

- Are you afraid of me? Why did you run? Why didn't you hit me or yell at me?

- I don't dare to hit you, but I'm not afraid of you either.

We went back into the castle, and I was very tired. My arms and legs were hurting. I couldn't climb the stairs; I needed to sleep.

"Why don't you have the courage to hit me?" he asked as he was carrying me up the stairs to my room.

Chapter 12 - Discovered

You didn't advance my insistence. Unconscious, he took me to my room inside the castle. I opened my eyes in my bed, but it was still night. I couldn't see if he was there. I got up, but before I could reach the door, I heard his soft voice behind me. "Go to bed, you're not okay!"

I turned around and I could see his silhouette next to my bedroom window, but I knew he would leave me as soon as I fell asleep. But a long time ago, I couldn't sleep all night. "Your Highness, you know that I will not be able to rest enough, and finally, I think all the fear and fear that has kept me awake will only disappear when I understand exactly the reasons. Why do we have to get married? Why so fast? How is such a life possible? And above all, I'm afraid..."

He turned and walked toward me. "You look like a stubborn child, but I'm worried about your health. I need you to sleep and I'll stay here next to you," he said, pulling a chair to the side of my bed, "until I make sure you're all right and safe."

He seemed tense at the idea that the king would postpone the wedding if I wasn't well.

I went to bed. I lay my head on the pillow and fell asleep. I was exhausted.

I had scary nightmares all night. The scenes of horses feeding or Phillip saving me from the wolves...

I woke up in what seemed to be the next morning, covered in thick blankets, Ana sitting next to the bed, putting wet towels on my forehead. "Thank God, Your Highness has awakened!" - a cheerful and slightly relieved smile appeared on her face.

"Ana, how long have I been sleeping? What happened?" At this moment, the king's doctor entered my room. "Princess, you have been awake for three days. Apparently, she had an infection that seemed to be giving in. However, His Majesty made it clear that if this continues, he will have to postpone the marriage." - and finally, the doctor's words came like a blow to the stomach.

I asked my Aia to prepare a hot bath for me, on the recommendation of the doctor himself, and to bring me something because I was hungry.

After the bath, still in my room, Ana brought fruit, a slice of cake, and toast, but I could not eat everything, only an apple. I asked to stay alone, I needed to improve, but my mind couldn't understand what happened.

I looked out the window, and I could see one of the prince's horses in a castle bay. "How? Is he here?" I spoke out loud, but only for myself. I could hear a voice coming from behind me, familiar, the king -- "Yes, daughter, your fiancé is here! He arrived yesterday after I sent the messenger with a note communicating his illness and the possibility of postponing the marriage." He closed the door and continued, "How are you? And how long have you been escaping at night from the castle?"

A sickle crossed my spine. How would my father have discovered? "Dad, I..." - he didn't let me finish: "I increased security around the castle, and if you want to walk, you will always go with a guard and NEVER disobey me again!"- his roughest tone frightened me.

"You run risks during the night, in the woods!" - I couldn't answer. I was out of breath. Sitting next to me and holding my hand, with the quietest voice: "You're a princess. You have duties and duties. You got sick from the cold nights outside the gates. I need you to promise me it won't happen again." I looked at him and sat down with my head.

He left the room saying, "Eat! Empty the plates! You need to be strong in less than a week!"

"Why?" - my question remained unanswered, my father had closed the door behind him